Angelic Beings of Light Counseling Services

Excerpt from Spirit at Work, A Journey of Healing
By Lois M. Grant

...I resumed writing in a journal as instructed.

May 1, 1994.

I have finished reading everything that I can find that I wrote during the crisis years before my divorce, mostly poems and essays that I wrote during that time. It is like looking at an old movie. I remember having those feelings, but I have grown so much that I feel very detached. It's hard now to believe that it took me so long to leave my first husband! It was seven years from when I realized that the marriage was over until I figured out how to end it. I was really miserable, but still fought and denied it. No wonder I got so sick. All I have to do is look at my feet and marvel at the strength of the emotions it took to create such pain and deformity.

I want so much-in this lifetime-to heal this body completely. If this lifetime is about finally dealing with stuff I have refused to deal with in many lifetimes past, then, let's do it! Learn from it, fix it, get over it.

I made a chart of the development of my arthritis. In reviewing it I can see the direct correlation between emotional stress and arthritic pain. I had forgotten about the "attacks." I used to have them mostly on Monday nights when I was living alone. They don't happen like they used to. I would gradually get achy all over until all I could do was lie on the bed, depressed, discouraged, unwilling to move. I would think about things I needed to do, like feed the cats, go to the bathroom, make a phone call. I would then plan exactly how to do them with the least amount of motion possible. If I had to walk any distance at all, I would count the steps. One time I was talking to a friend and I had to tell her that it hurt to hold the phone. And once I told my sister that I felt like a prisoner of war, that I never had a nice day. Well, I've come a long way from feeling like that! Thank Goddess.

When I feel good, it's hard to remember the bad times and I tend to think I'm on an upward trajectory, that perfect health is mine now. When I hurt, I feel depressed and discouraged. I still want a complete healing. One hundred percent off all medicine. Heal the deformities. But it's hard and I really don't know who to listen to. Actually, I don't feel there is anyone I can trust with one hundred percent of my efforts, who knows everything I'm doing and who can tell me what (more) to do. I always come back to the opinion that I am the only one who knows all I'm doing and while I can ask others what to do, I am the only one who can make the decision, that I know better than anyone else what is right for me and this body.

June 29, 1994

I'm feeling the effects from our trip to San Francisco for a convention. At the banquet on Saturday a young architect from Philadelphia sat next to me. He started telling me about his children, then about his headaches. I shared a little of my story and ended up telling him that headaches could be caused by self-criticism. He thought about it for a minute and then said, "You, know, that's right!" I talked about self-love and forgiveness and he really seemed to take it in. He was so grateful. When he rose to leave, he shook my hand and then suddenly leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. "God ordained for me to sit next to you tonight," he said. I love to touch people's lives that way.

***
Saturday I received this incredible fax from Kenny and the angels:

Lois, this is a Gift from the Angels:

Lois, your observations about things you have done and learned in response to your arthritis are very insightful. Your arthritis is the result of many lifetimes because of what you have subjected yourself to in terms of relationships and choices. We think you are now ready to move beyond your arthritis into a glorious state of wellness.

Document what you know about your disease. Recognize the reality of your arthritis. Be willing to look beyond this current reality to a freer state, a place where your body matches your soul/spirit in openness and wellness.

A healer can unlock some of the spiritual and past life blocks which have made this transition difficult. Recognize that you are ready to move, ready for your body to match your spirit. Recognize your fears and deal with them. Examine them honestly. Release them, and let yourself move on.

(Kenny wrote here: "Lois, I felt a really powerful presence here. It seemed to be of really great importance.")

Azriel/Archangel Michael: Our desire for you is to be whole-full of life, joy, and to know a deeply transcendent peace. Your angels are all around you. Your loved ones are being moved to growth by your example. You are much loved and cherished in the Universe. There are many hands reaching to you to aid you in your crossover as your ascendant journey is reaching its climax. As you read this, open your mind. See whatever comes. Don't feel a need to visualize. Just be. The love of the Universe is all around you.
The Angels.

"Ready for your body to match your spirit..." Oh, yes! This message was extremely heartening and I was thrilled to have such a positive prediction that my complete healing is not only possible, it is really going to happen! This is the most welcome thing that could possibly be said to me. I was overjoyed.

In my journal I continued to analyze my arthritis and how it was engendered by my thoughts and attitudes:

July 10, 1994
On Thursday I talked to Kenny about was the "gifts" of my arthritis, how it allowed me to stop doing housework, yard work, and backpacking. I needed a "real reason," not just that I didn't enjoy these things and didn't want to do them. That would never have been accepted. As one friend said, "It let you say, 'no.'" He was right. It also gave me a "real reason" to start counseling and to begin exploring my inner world.

In addition, the arthritis was symbolic of my not moving forward in my life, of staying in the marriage, in spite of incredible emotional pain and the fact that we had completed our karma. (Of course, I didn't let this become conscious at the time.) The inflammation was a manifestation of my anger and resentment over feeling unloved by my mother. The pain was self-punishment. Given the way my life was (not) going and who I was at that time, I believe that the arthritis was probably inevitable. Next April it will be 20 years. Is that significant? Are 20 years enough for me to learn all these lessons, release all these fears, all that anger and resentment, to truly love myself and let myself be loved, to forgive?????

It's Psychogenic: One of the first books I ever read when I got the arthritis, Psychosomatics, stated that the typical rheumatoid arthritis patient was: Over 35, Female with a domineering mother and repressed anger; onset usually occurs after a dramatic change in the life. I thought it fit me pretty well.

Stress: Affects the immune system. Rheumatoid Arthritis is the immune system gone haywire, the body attacking itself. When a person is continually in the "fight or flight" response, the adrenal glands become weakened from overuse. I was stressed early and often by my mother's constant criticism ("Why are you moving your leg like that, are you nervous?") and later by my first husband. She picked him out for me, just as she picked out my china and silver patterns. Both of them were demanding, faultfinding and impossible to please and had a way of making me feel like everything was my fault, that I was the crazy one, and I didn't know enough to think otherwise.
Metaphysical: It's a physical manifestation of spiritual and emotional problems such as anger, resentment, feeling unloved. Joints represent motion; I resisted moving forward in my life. Inflammation and fever are manifestations of anger. Deformities are the result of intellectual stress and constriction. Pain is guilt which is seeks punishment.

Michael says that rheumatoid arthritis comes from repeatedly refusing to deal with an issue over many lifetimes:

The oldest issues we have are stored in our teeth and bones because they are the densest parts of the body and thus have the greatest capacity for storage. When you are still carrying something around and have not allowed yourself to work on or handle whatever it is, you tend to give yourself a lot of joint pain. People who get intense arthritis have run up against something they haven't handled in a lot of lifetimes and they don't want to start handling it now. Once you get arthritis it's very difficult to have it go away, but you can get release and have it not get worse if you start working on the problem.

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